…but a necessary one. I won’t be running the half marathon in April. This sickness really hit me hard and I haven’t been back to 100% in about three weeks. Two weeks of that I was pretty sick, and even when I was done with the antibiotics my body was still exhausted. I wanted to get back into running and tried jumping back in to the recovery week I would have been on if I had still run those two weeks. I hopped on the treadmill and ran 3 miles and felt like I was going to fall over because my body was so tired. The day after, I was supposed to do speed workouts. It took all my energy just to go grocery shopping, let alone sprint my fastest.
While I was grocery shopping I realized that this race was becoming stress-inducing due to the fact that I had missed so much of my training and was on a time crunch, so I started wondering if I should do it. Of course, there’s the part of me that felt like I was quitting on myself. Yes, I’m pushing myself to do these things so that I can live without fear, but instead I’m getting scared of different things. Like fearing that if I let myself stop to take a breather, I’m not going to pick back up. I’ll end up depressed, fat, and miserable like I was before. I know that won’t happen – I can’t ever let myself go back there. So I don’t know why this is a fear I have, but it is.
I called my good and very practical running friend David to ask his advice on the situation. I was all in a tizzy and on the verge of crying, but his answer was simple. “Running is something that should be enjoyable, and if it’s stressing you out then don’t do it!” He reminded me that it’s not quitting, just choosing not to do this race. There will be plenty of others! Of course my parents said the same thing, and my mother reminded me that I’m anything but lazy and, at times, a little too much so.
I’ve already paid for the race. I won’t be running the half, but I might run the 5K that goes with it. I’m bummed because I hear it’s a really good race, but I think this will be better. There’s another half in Raleigh in November, and the time in school leading up to it is much less stressful, so I’ll do that one instead. I realize now I can’t plan to do anything during this third track. I was warned it was a tough one, but I didn’t believe anyone because the first six weeks breezed by.
I’m almost back 100%. I got on the elliptical for 30 minutes yesterday and covered about 3 miles. It felt really good to finally be moving again. I was able to go out with friends again last night and felt a sudden burst of energy, so this week I should be able to hop back into things. I think what I’m going to do is start the half training program again with no race in mind and no time-constraint. Just do it for the fun of it and run that distance before I sign up for any race. No pressure. That’s how I did the 5K and it seems to work better for me this way.
In the meantime, I’m not going to let myself get all worked up over the fact that I’m not running the race I had in mind. I’m not going to let myself think that I’m quitting. I’m going to remind myself that I’m putting things on hold until it’s a better and healthier time for me to do it. Until that next race, I’m going to keep smiling, keep moving, and keep living.