I’m sick and tired…

…of being sick and tired!  This week has been a total flop.  Last week I was out sick two days with a sinus infection, and this week all of that sinus gunk moved into my chest and turned into a cough and another infection.  I didn’t call in sick because 1) I had already called in sick just a week ago and 2) I only have one sick day left, which I need to reserve for allergy season!

I started not feeling well Monday but pushed myself to run 5 miles.  Tuesday I was tired, but went out for dinner with a friend.  Wednesday I was feeling much worse and started taking Mucinex, but I made myself go to Bible Study and afterward, although I knew I should have gone home to sleep, I went out with friends.  On top of all the going-going-going, I’m still suffering from insomnia.  By Thursday I was beyond exhausted.  I was able to push through my first three classes, but by the time I got to my afternoon class, I popped in Fantasia and sat down for an hour.  It was about all I could do to keep from falling over.  I had a doctor appointment after school and got on another round of antibiotics.  When I got home around 5:00 I went straight to bed with the intention of sleeping the night through in order to make it through Friday, but my cough woke me up around 6:30.  I woke up starving, exhausted beyond belief, and utterly miserable.  I didn’t want to fix any food and anything I already had didn’t sound appetizing.  I contemplated ordering Chinese but didn’t have any cash on hand and had no energy to get in the car to pick it up.  I called my mom in tears because I was so frustrated with being sick again and not being able to sleep.  She convinced me to eat some oatmeal and I talked for about an hour and started to feel a little better.  My mom convinced me to put a movie and lie down, reminding me that even if I can’t fall asleep, at least I’m resting.  So I popped in Fantasia 2000 and laid there with my eyes closed.  By then I was ready to go to bed and got a restful night of sleep.

I woke up this morning feeling marginally better, but still fairly run-down.  It was killing me today because it was 70 out and gorgeous and all I wanted to do was run and be outside!  Ugh!  I hate that I haven’t run this whole week (except for Monday) and that I’m a week behind now in my training.  As hard as it is, I won’t be running this weekend either.  I expected this to happened and accepted it before I even started my training, but it’s still hard.  I know I’m not running this race to win, but to finish, and even if I have to walk some it’s OK.  Although now that I’m learning to run in the right HR range, I think that even if I don’t get in all the mileage I should before the race, I should be OK.  I’ve been doing really well and I’m sure the excitement of race-day will push me through – if I can just keep myself from pushing too hard.

I’m nervous about next week.  It’s concert week for my choir which means I’ll be in Durham until 10:30 three nights out of the week.  That means I won’t be getting home until nearly 11, and one of my problems all along is that I haven’t been getting enough sleep.  I want to hop back into my training next week, but now I’m scared of running myself ragged again.  I see now that I do, in fact, push myself too hard.  I don’t let myself stop and relax.  I try to do to much.  I told my mom on the phone yesterday that now I understand why she never let me do all the things I wanted to do – I would have killed myself trying!  And I see myself doing that now.  Since the day I was born I haven’t been able to miss a beat.  In fact, I wouldn’t sleep in the car on trips until I was about 16 because I didn’t want to miss anything that was happening.  I understand that being busy is something I need in order to function, but I’ve let it go too far.  As obsessive as I’ve become about being healthy and taking care of myself, I haven’t been taking very good care of myself.  Yes, I’m working out and eating fairly healthily, but I’m not sleeping and I’m not relaxing.  My mental health is out-of-whack.  Last spring I got into the habit of meditating, but I haven’t meditated at all in the past months (except in yoga) because I haven’t had the time.  There is something seriously wrong with that.

So I guess this is a lesson in slowing down and learning to take care of myself, a lesson in truly listening to what my body and mind are telling me.  A lesson in letting myself stop once in a while to rejuvenate.  A lesson in finding the balance between my need to be busy and the reality of doing too much.

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2 Comments

Filed under Random musings

2 responses to “I’m sick and tired…

  1. nancy m

    Don’t you just hate it when the lessons keep piling up like this? I love though how you come up with what you know you need to do (be still, meditate, rest) by the end of your post.
    I’ve got the same bug, and haven’t run in a week myself, just mustered enough energy to sit on a spin bike to sweat without making the upper respiratory gunk go deep into my lungs & turn into a month of bronchitis. THAT will put a kink in your training, I tell ya! (actually it was two months of bronchitis after my first marathon, I was terrified I’d never, ever run again) You WILL run again, and soon. But now, rest. Nest. Remember you can’t sing if you’re coughing!

    • Thanks! I’m so tempted to go out and run today because I’m feeling much better, but I’m not letting myself. I said I wasn’t going to do anything this weekend, and I’m not going to! Just like I’m tempted to go to my friend’s birthday party tonight, but I probably shouldn’t be out late either. : )

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